clean shaven for the holidays.

Vancity comes cleans.

Well, another Christmas miracle. Vancity admitted their mistake with the fax that should have free up my funds, and compenstaed me! Way to go Vancity!!So I bought a piano and am taking piano lessons, hoping to bring it into my act.

The Happy Prince went very weel. My mother flew in Thursday and Bree and I met her at the airport. She didn't know I was bringing Breanna to the airport so, she was very excited and pleased. Bree did great in the play as did everyone else, and it was a big success. I had to go thru a ton of shit as I lost my wife and my lover in about a two week span. They did their best to fuck up the show, but it didn't happen. The people that replace them really came through. So fuck them. Talentless twat. Who needs it. It has been tough because Leanne and I were together for four years, and I confront her with her uinfaithfulness and she never speaks to me again. I don't where she is or what her number is. I have phoned her work a few times, at first to tell her shit was downstairs, then a couple drinking and dialing instants. oh well. I did love her, but that person didn't really exist. Then at theafter party joanne girlfriend of Graham, who played the prince, says that Leanne came to see her and would like to come back to the church, but thinks it would be uncomfortable. WHat a cunt. Sghe can't call me to offer anykind of explanation, but she thinks she's like to copme back to MY church. She had no church, wasn't even baptauised when I met her. Fucking bitch. Its coke and hookers from now on.

My bird Louis, who was formerlyknown as Jerry, and I are having great fun hanging out and entertaining friends. Louis was stuck in a cage with a fat female, so was I. So he's out of his cage now, and so am I.

I bought Bree a 300 leather jacket from the gap, sorta a contiuim of my fathers coat. She loved it.

I'm headlining this week at YUkYUKs so check it out.

the happy prince 12/16/2006

VanCity Sucks Hard!!

WHAT A FUCKING WEEK! CHECK OUT HOW THIS GOES DOWN LOYAL READERS!
I lose my bank card. I have check from Calgary, same place I've been getting checks from for 15 fucking years! I got to branch 8 of Vancity, where I've had an account for well over five years. I get them to make me and new card, cancel the old one, and deposit my check. The teller takes it to the deskblob, and she decides due to the amount of the check, and because its out of province, they will need to hold it for two fucking weeks. I beg, but it is too late.

Driving back from Quesnel through a blizzard on Sunday night, I have a blow out of my front tire a block from home, (thank you jesus). I change the flat to the donut. I deposit my check from the Quesnel gig, and of course there is no hold on it so I still have plenty of cash available.

On Wednesday I am going to get a new tire put on, and go to M.R. to pick up my daughter to bring her to a rehearsal of the play I'm directing at the church. The nice Chinese man, I have been buying tires from for years, puts on a new tire and I go to pay it with my card. A snow storm has begun and am gald to have a real front tire to work with. The interact machine gives the wrong beep and says I have no chequing account. "Maybe its savings" he says to me. "I know what kind of fucking account I have!" I say to myself. I phone the number for Vancity on the back of the card, and the first of what would be a long succession of soccer moms, ESL staudents and 25 year old girls with grade 12 educations I would have to deal with on the phone, tells me that an action has been taken on my account and all the funds are frozen. FROZEN. ALL.

As the chinese man roughly takes the tire off and replaces it with the temporary donut he scowls that "White Demon" scowl they have. I cancell my daughter pick up, and the whole rehearsal. I phone the barster, my accountant, and he chases it down. Rev Can check bounced cause of the check hold and they decided to slap a freeze on my money. MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKING CUNTFACED FAGGOTS!!!

Anyway, Barster is gonna go in an get it fixed. If everything works out the freeze will be off my cash Friday morning. I am headed to the island, and Barster told me to phone the branch and tell them to be expecting a fax from Rev Can lifting the freeze.

The next day, I miss the early fairy. I need to get to the airport for 1:30 flight to Edmonton to do a fat corporate yuks gig, and emcee the edmonton club. On the way, I phone the bank to see if that all worked out. The 3rd 25 year old girl with a grade twelve education tells me no fax came through and my funds remain frozen. Fuck. I rip her a new one.

I phone the Barster. He is very surprized because W. at Rev Can faxed it even before Barster got the Rev Can to give W. the cash and post-dated checks we had agreed to. He fishes around, and finds his own copy of the letter. He will fax that to them and then it'll be fine.

Meanwhile I phone Westjet to tell them I racing to get there and please let me on late. I have to meet up with Barster so he can take the car back and we hook up on 49th and Oak and I drive the 90 Honda with the temp donut tire like it's a Ferrari!
We get there and I get to the check in with 10 minutes to spare. You can the see where this piece of shit day is going.

The gate is closed.
WestJet Knob can't get me on. Next flight - 6:30. Too late. I call barry to pay the rebooking charge of $5 bucks plus tax to get me a flight on the 6:30. I phone Yuks trying to find out what time this show is. Barry pays for the rebook fee and suggest I see what Air Canada has. He leaves in the car. I forget that my hpone is charging in the car, but he's gone. Fortunately I have JM's cell phone. AC has a 2:30 flight. I phone the bank to see if they have fixed my non-existent checking account. By now I've graduated from know-nothing drones to ESL students and right at the heart of Vancity's People Over Profits demographics. I realize I need to talk to the manager of my branch. Enter Soccer Mom Courtney. I rip her a new fat ass, and she tells me she will talk to collections and see what they can do. My own bank has a collections agency on me...
I start to think about keeping my cash under my mattress again.

Turns out that there was a fax, but it had the wrong date on it. Oh I see. We've gone from they adamant denial that any fax showed up, to that well, there was this one, but it had the wrong date on it. And even though I phoned to tell them it was coming, they felt no compunction to phone me to say there was a problem. Fuck that straight white guy, they thought.

I try to explain to Courtney my situation, needing a measley 222 of the 4 K in my account to get my ass to Edmonton to make another 1200 bucks.

She can do nothing. I suggest she find someone around there with a back ground in business, MAYBE A WHITE GUY, who could help her do her job.

Then the mid-terminal VVR rant began. "Ethical!!"

"You know what ethical means? It means LOW returns, LOW service, HIGH service charges, TOP heavy bureaucracy and BOTTOM heavy staff!!

I hung up the phone. Only one chance left to make the gigs. I phone CR at yuks to see if they'll front the money for the 2:30 Air Canada flight. SHE tells me not to worry, they rebooked the shows, and I can stay home...

Byebye 1200 bucks

I go to cancel the Westjet flights. "So you don't want the return flight on Monday either?" the genius fag at Westjet asks."No need to return from someplace I not going to." I answer dryly. My rage dopamines have been spent on Courtney and the rest of the lazy, stupid, incompetant, lying, imbezzling, lisping, quadraplegic midgets at Vancity.

I phone Barster and the Cman, neither can pick me up. I walk down, my suit case rolling along through the ice and slush behind me to the Petrocan by the airport and try to hitch hike home. I have the wrong phone, so I don't have any numbers except for the ones I've memorized.

All I can think of is CEO Dave Mowat and his parade float of a wife, and how I can fuck him up. I realize that my daughter's Christmas present haul will be greatly reduced because of him. I vow to give her the sweetest gift of all. REVENGE

I scroll the phone book on the cell. Maybe I'll recognize someone. I do.

Van Welles Decker answers. I tell him whatsup. He's downtown. His car is in Ladner. He'll take the bus back to Ladner, fill up his car with coolant, and come and get me.

90 minutes later, my 9 year old knight in shining armour drives up to the Petrocan. I get in and scream MOTHERFUCKERMOTHERFUCKERMOTHERFUCKER!!

Van gets me to my car.

I go home.

I DRINK.

Next day I go to Money Mart. They cash the check from the night before and count out crisp fifties. I go to give the young woman her pen back, since it isn't chained down. She smiles, and I notice her piercings and her UBC ring.

"Keep the pen Mr. Lett."

As I leave I ask her what she's studying at University.

"Business and Commerce." she says.

God I love Money Mart.

SammyE Headlines Cow Town for the first time!!

Alberta Bound

Arrived the day before my tour started so I stayed with long-time super pal , Shelley. Her son Lucas, who is only twelve, is huge. Size 13 shoes. We greeted each other by me pretended to hug him and then driving his head in the side of the van. I landed a feww good gut shots before his youthful 2nd wind (and superior foot wear, left me uncermoniously on my ass in a snow drift. So we played road hockey as the conditions were perfect, and i fill the net behind him. The real objective was to hit him in the groin and the face, but he had those baggy pants so I had to spear him, and crosscheck him in the head. He giggled the whole time. Then it was time to eat huge amounts of chinese food and fall asleep in front of the tube. It was GREAT.

I am really looking forward to seeing all my old friends here in rose country. I'll be headed back to Camrose for the first time since my father's death, and I must admit, I feel a little anxious about it. But the real point is to go and love my momther for a few days. I have emailed what meals I will be expecting and she is anxious to get cooking. Since eating and sleeping are things I haven't done too much of lately, this looks like a great opportunity to put on a few.

Meanwhile the shows in cowtown are going really well, with david Tsonas killing every single show. Killing! Dave Tsonas - ... Killing. and Sammy E has really matured as a performer. All in All - a solid team from the west coast. FLAMES SUCK!!
Note : my tour has changed so I will be returning to Vancouver for a week in the middle to do the Just for Laughs showcase.

I came not to praise - but to bury.

Man, am I hungover! Last night was the ah, well - last night at the well. Great party that they almost fucked up by putting on a comedy show. Shoulda just ran reruns of Beachcombers on the Prairies cause nobody heard a word of the show except Darryl. Phil ( the owner) gave me an open tab - yikes - and i didn't miss the opportunity. Now I fly out to cowtown for a tour, and am hungover like a mofo. Meanwhile, somehow ther are plants and furniture in my apartment that look a lot like the plants and furniture from the well. I will plead the fifth on those. The stools will come in handy at Dick's Pad.

Then I did some drinking and dialing. Phone up McBilly, who is one of The Old Toilet Seat's "friends". He let me know what her line of logic was, ie. that i'm insane, and impotent. Both were true when it came to her. Her constant lying, and eating rendered the situation. I don't know anyone who could be lied to for that long, and not start to feel unbalanced. I met with my new shrink yeaterday and he's great. It is tough to deal with the death of your father, especially when your "wife" decides to help you though it by chasing other guys. McBilly was surprised to know I have her journals, and pretty much a confession, to fucking 4 different guys in a week, and having a three-some during my first road-trip away. Just another Salmon Arm slut. Meanwhile, a twenty seven year old with secretary ass and the tits of a 60 year old squaw, she could render any cock useless.

Richard Van Camp, the unwitting cause of the split-up, phoned me to find out what the hell was going on. He understood the difficulty of dealing with my father's passing, and was surprised to find out after three months of hanging out with the Old Toilet Seat, that she was living with a guy, and not just any guy, but a well known comedian that he had seen. He seemed liked a very nice guy that had no idea he was being played.

So the road awaits, and I should be able to unload a bunch of CD's, and see my family. And I need some coffee...

Darby's Halloween Night

Well loyal readers - you mised a good one. Darby's was full of audience and comics last night. Twenty Comedians hit the stage - not including me and Ivan co-hosting. The show ran for over three and a half hours(I'm sure the B Room has as long of shows, and thats just the host!). The costumes were great, the audienced loved it and stayed for the whole thing. Particular highlights for me was Seth as Jason (fuck he crushed the room with that), Sharon as Joel Walmsley, Darwin as almost naked, Rachel as ME and the return of the infamous D.
Darryl Lenox.

Of course the party continued at Dick's Pad till the wee hours, with a trend that I would love to keep up, the girls out numbering the guys 2 to 1. I'm away for a couple of weeks, and all the dirty dozen wishing me luck and telling me to be safe. Ah the love...

if you can keep your head when all around are losing their's...

I decided I was going to be an executioner for halloween, and thought it would be cool to carry my own severed head. That was last Monday. So I called JP Mass, for two reasons, 1. because he works in the film industry doing this sort of thing and 2. he would not batt an eye at request for a severed head.
He told me what I'd need, and how to do it, and off he went. Since then, I decided not to have a dead head, but a neutral one. The therapeutic value has been huge. JP pointed out that the artists most likely to go insane were the ones who did self-portraits. It is very "denial smashing" to have to look at yr face that close. Turns out I'm a tad goofy looking. Oh well, my daughter thinks I'm good looking.

Darby's should be blast tonight. All the comics are wearing costumes - staff too. I have 6 different costumes so I can change between acts. I'm going as a Shape Shifter. And no doubt there will be the after party at Dick's Pad.

Talked to my mom for the first time in awhile. Can't wait to see her. I have been going through a rough patch. My father died, and my wife thought she would help me through this by persuing other men. Now she's persuing other lodging.

And rumour has it I might have a date tonight!

Who's the lucky guy? is what Kfoxx would say. Anyway, Tonight at Darby's is gonna be fun!! Showtime 9 pm - No cover, wear a costume!!

The Heart of Kitsilano Comedy.

Ding dong the well is dead. It's official, Phil sold the Urban Well, and its new owners won't be doing comedy, so just short of it's 10th year, the comedy show at the Well is done as of Halloween. Thundering Word Heard is dead too. I went there on Sunday to put my own finishing touches on that show. Thundering Word Heard ran for years, but in recent months the decline has been evident. T Paul, a sweet guy with a big heart, but unfortunately his blood vessles are a little thin, and he had an aneurism. He survived, and recovered quite quickly, but not quick enough to save the Word. And, as he liked to point out at every show since, he has made no money, and is about to be evicted. Sad, inevitable, and definately NOT entertaining. As T Paul made his final plea for donations from the crowd on Sunday, I had had enough. I took a fifty dollar bill and stuffed it in the jar, saying, "now pay yer rent, I'm tired of hearing about!"

The reality is that the Thundering Word Heard had lost its thunder. Moving out of MoMar and to The Main was Deadly. The Main is the worst venue ever. The waitresses are all total twats, and the little greaseball owner was just another cheap, stupid Vancouver resterantuer. But even the venue being shit, and T Paul being laid up is not what did it in. It was inevitably the "talent" on the show that killed it. No one of any distinction got up much. RC and Al Mater would get up every now and then to try to save it, and I would get up too, but it was doomed. The line-up was consistently the same wannabee's and neverwills, retired old ladies and office clerks, guitar players with three fingers, and failed writers and performers cranking out the same "poetry" and stories every week. And guess what? If it sucked last week, there's a pretty good chance it will suck this week. Fortunately this little gaggle of hobbyists was also a mutual admiration society, so they maintained each others belief that they are actually getting somehere! It was painful to watch, and embarassing to be part of. So now it's over. Just as well.

And now it turns out the Urban Well is sold, and will be completely gutted and changed. I couldn't be less sad. The well began as an stage for BB and the butt-fuckers to validate each other, try to fuck a waitress, and pray that BB would make it and take them with him. History would show they were mistaken. Recently P-love was running it exclusively after his sichophantic partner let go of the graft of the room. P-love had worked hard to upgrade it, unaware I'm sure that the owner was planning to sell it from under him. P-love's booking the Funny Bone, and so it'll be no sweat off his ass. But the butt-fuckers (not unlike the sad-sacks of spoken word) are going to have to dig deep to find a reason not to blow their brains out.

And how does this play in to the Big Dick's hands - my loyal readers may ask? Darby's is NOT ending. In fact, there just put up a very cool looking (and huge) banner, based on my suggestions, and table tents. The show last night was awesome. Great crowd, who laughed from beginning to end. The Caucasian Youth Gang members are getting really good. Ivan Decker, who I have enlisted as my side-kick, alternated with me doing intros. Everyone loves him so he will run the show the two mondays I'll be away in NOV. And Seth Perry, has developed a level of consistently that is a real treat to watch. It's so refreshing to hang out with people of legitimate talent and potential. No need to pat each other on the back, the audience, and staff do that for them. Speaking of the staff, they are awesome! Good looking young women who are enthusiastic and SEXY. A couple came back to Dick's Pad (my place) last night, as well as Janet Panic and Kelly and there rock star pal Cuba. The party went all night, with the music all live all the time, and we didn't have to sit through one "poem" or "story" (although, poetry is a good way to get the fireplace started). The pad is set up to accomodate people partying, and there is tons of room now that I got rid of the Old Toilet Seat. So I'm a little sleepy today...but Darby's is now the Kitsilano comedy place, and this Monday is a Halloween show, so all the comics will be dressed up, and Simon King will close. So come on down to Kitsialano's only comedy Venue - DARBY'S on 4th and MacDonald.

Art/Life?

the e-circle of life

on jesus, jokes and justice...

2 things me and dave have in common

We love our kids and we LOVE OUR HOCKEY!

having so much fun i peed my pants

dear loyal blog readers,
my lawyer has advised me (ie begged me) not to write about the details of my marital status right now. As I learned in Toronto, ANYTHING you blog, can and will be used against you in a court of law.

The direction of these blogs now will be, (like my life) forward and positive. The best revenge, as they say, is a happy life.

So here we go...

I am single - and most importantly, available. I bought a nice 12 pack of LARGE LifeStyles. (note to the X's defense team - the regular sized condoms found in my home were not for me, I can PROVE it.)

I have had two parties at the newly painted bachelor pad. The first was last monday after Darby's. The very sexy young staff at Darby's were here till six AM - with no complaints. Life in the Ocean Villa is nice. All my friends in the building know about the change, and have been very sweet about it. The building manager John, (who is eighty two, and came out to see my show at Darby's the other week) showed his hand when he immediately changed the names on the front door buzzer to show only mine.

The second party was on Friday, after Dave and I went to the Canucks home opener. (we lost). I was a bit of a mess at the game. My doctor had prescribed Lorazepam to help me with the stress of my life, and I took one earlier that day for the first time. Bad idea. I fell asleep in the 2nd period, dropping a full beer. At the end of the game, I had to pee like never before.

Holy shit, or rather Holy piss, I think I'm not gonna make it. The pill, combined with Dave's bottomless supply of beer, and I'm in a blurry panic. The bathrooms are no where to be found. By the time I get to a urinal (down three flights of stairs and through a hundred yards of thronging canucks fans)I hardly have to piss anymore -because most has already leaked out. Fortunately I am wearing dark pants, and nobody really looks at one another in large crowds, so nobody can tell, at the age of 46 (or 32 in Dane Cook years)I have pissed my pants in public. I get cleaned up. Some guys look weird at me as I blow dry my crotch, but I don't care.

I had lost Dave, and didn't have my cell with me so I just headed to the truck. I am still on the brink of going Karen Ann Quilan, trying to remember where we parked. Fortunately Dave Copeman is easy to spot in any crowd, even by the semi-conscious.

Dave has a large package with him."Oh there you are!" he says is his quietest voice, the bellow. "I just headed for the truck..." "Good boy!" (Note to self - take Lorazepam sparingly, and with no recent plans in mind!)

Dave is very happy. He finally won something from the Canuck Place auction. (Winning meaning he was willing to pay more than anyone else. It all goes to a good cause he points out, and besides, its my house-warming gift.)

Back at the pad - KFoxx and some other peeps show up. (yes there were girls, but good manners demands they go unnamed and unphotographed.)

Dave presents the gift, and it couldn't be more perfect. I have recently freed up a lot of wall space - and I was looking for new boy stuff to hang. The gift is a beautifully framed signed photo of Captain Kirk McLean from the 94 Stanley Cup run. Still working my way down from the little white pill, I manage to find a hammer and nail and get "kirk" to his permanent spot. It looks great - and everything about it speaks of my friendship with Dave is a deep way.

KFoxx has a way of brightening up every party, and he and I get into probably the best conversation we've ever had - as far as honesty goes.

Finally, at about three, I figured it was time for me to finish four years with a ritual. I took a metal box, and in it I put the witherd roses that I had bought the X on her last night, a photo of us at new years, another of us kissing on the balcony at the crib, a "I heart Squishy" note,a wish bone she had saved fron a chicken I cooked and some poems that had been dedicated to me.
I put a little gasoline in the box(I'm the resident gardener at OceanVilla). I took it outside to the firepit, and took a tea candle and lit it, and put it in the center of the box. When the gas fumes connected with the candle flame, the whole thing burst into flames. I watched it burn, slowly feeding in the pages of a chapbook of poetry that was dedicated to me from the X. (There are dozens of copies of it). It was weird for my friends to see me do this ritual, but the time was right, and they understood (sorta). I had to let her go. I had loved her dearly - but that was then. The fire comsumed that love - and left it in ashes. Now I could move into the future untethered.

So this morning I'm up early - my daughter is sleeping - as I sit at my table writing this. We are going to church, and then to Science World, with a friend and her two little girls. The pad is well on its way to being completely re-done, and has been cleaned within a inch of it's life. My daughter's clothes and toys have been rescued from deep corners of storage closets where the X had obscured them. The emacipation of the toys. Why grown women try to compete with my daughter for me, is beyond me. They will never win.Ever!

My life is good. Darby's is going well,the phone keeps ringing for people wanting to do sets, and the Manager Jeremy says the flyers are ready. I have a bunch of work for YukYuks coming up, and have a new play on the go. I have great friends and I am having fun again.

Now I have to go wake up her highness. She continues to be the source of unconditional love - and makes sure that whatever happens, I always have a girl...

sorry blog fans

i can't tell you how it all went down, as all the details aren't in, and plopping it down on the internet, might later prove embarassing. So i am with holding how i came to know that four years of my life were based on lies, at a later date...

new blog coming

life has been very extreme lately, and so there is much too write about, being beat up, breaking up, being single, and thanksgiving. I write so, just very busy moving. don't worry dear readers, i'll have something new today.

Attacked at the Well

AS I write this I have cuts on both hands, a bruised and scraped knee, a bruised shoulder and a lump behind my ear. It was a usual night at the Well. I was promised a set and then go bumped. JB hosting, so I didn't mind. At the end of the night I go outside to have a smoke and some Edmonton Kid named Ronnie came out, and we were talking about him doing a set at Darby's when all of a sudden these too guys come out of the club and look at Ronnie and say, are you a faggot. Then they look at me and say "Are You A Faggot?" I said, "No I'm a comedian". They start to grab at me so I peel off and they go at Ronnie. One of them slipped and fell, and Ronnie feel on top, so the other runs over and kicks him in the head. Before he can do that again, I rush over and push him off. Then they both jump me, one punching the back of my head. Finally enough of a ruckus is created that people come out of the club, and start milling around. I am pointing out the guys that jumped us and JB yells at me to shut up, blaming me for the fight. meanwhile another guy, no sure if he was from the group that jumped me, starts going at me. I told him to leave me alone. he keeps after me saying "you wanna fight". I look at him, he's a First Nations Person with and evil glare in his eyes. He grabs me by the jacket, and I spin out of my coat and away. He takes my coat and runs away. This jacket was my father's given to me after he passed away in March. It was a very nice black leather bomber. In the pocket were my car and apartment keys, my phone, my pot and my smokes. JB though this was hilarious, running over Sammy the Weasel, going, "Hey Sammy he lost is coat and his phone - isn't that great!"

The police come, and do what police do - nothing. "Sorry sir, but its gonna hard to identify a native with a stolen coat." (I guess they are very common!) So they asked what they would like me to do. I said "What's the code for 'Fuck it'?" "They said, "10-8". I said - okay 10-8 then. Then I walked back to my place, buzzed the building manager and came home - to sleep on the couch. Life is Good, isn't it. Here's comes Thanksgiving.

Canucks Beat Calgary!!

Dave Copeman and I went to see the Canucks beat Calgary the other night. Love going to games with Dave. Our whole section loved us - except for one guy who told Dave to shut his piehole. I manged to convince Dave that to kill this man at a televised game would not be a good idea. Anyway, Luongo looked GREAT!!

me thinks she doth protest too much...

Well, I'm back to blogging. I often take a couple of days off from the blog after I get a negative reaction. The "All Outa Love" blog illicited a very angry response from a colleague, and so I edited it. But the more I thought of it, the more I began to think, wow this guy really went over the top, considering what he said he was upset about. You see what I was complaining about was my g-friend's seeming lack of interest in my show and her preferance to see him. He reacted like I was attacking him and her, and even threatened violence. Hmmm. Usually when people over-react to something I've said, it's because I'm getting close to the truth. Like I say in my act, "I've never got in trouble for LYING, but I've got in a ton of shit for telling the TRUTH".

"I'm All Out of Love"

Had an audition yesterday where I had to lipsynch Air Supply's "All Out of Love", which required me memorizing the lyrics. The audition went fine, but after listening to the song again and again , deliberately implanting it into my brain, now I can't GET IT OUT. First thing this morning, that's the tune running in my head. "I'm all outa love, I'm so lost without you. I know you were right believing for so long..."

It is a very cheezy song, but the lyrics are pretty haunting. It was from an era when lyrics could be heard.
"make me believe what tomorrow could bring, when today doesn't really know, doesn't really know..."
Listening "Whole Lotta Love" by LEDZEP to try to get it out fo my head. "I wanna be your back door man" go Plant go!

My brother is pissing me off. Guy NEVER has anything nice to say. Never. He's got to put down everything! He's a doctor, and I won't bore your with the vagaries of his life, but he is constanting oppressing with his jabs. For example, I tell him about my US magazine quote and how my visits went through the roof. He said."Well if you check your site 20 times a day that doesn't count." He spends a lot of time in Africa, teaching surgery, and bedding black women. He always bitches about how deadly my smoking is, family history , blah blah cough cough. Meanwhile he's telling about this muslim chick he's chasing. I asked him if he realized that messing around with Muslim women, is quite likely MORE dangerous than cigarette smoking.

I can remember ONE nice thing he did for me. Don't know where it was, but it was a family camping trip. Both my parents were teachers, so during the summer, we would travel all over the States, staying in a tent in campgrounds. Anyway, one of those summers when I was 7 or 8, we were in the car, and I was complaining. I'm the baby, and I was acting like it. I have two older sisters, and ONE brother. Anyway, I was complaining about wanting to get to the campsite at the end of one day, and my brother said,"It's okay Ricky, I'll throw the ball with you when we get there." And he did. That was it.

Rest of the time, everything is a FAMILY situation. That way he can control it, and make sure NOBODY has any more fun than he is. Then he asks for your support in everything, all his projects(had my old dad collecting coins form 7-11's for his work in Africa), and gives NOTHING back - except snide remarks about your shortcomings. He lives in Vancouver and I do, I dunno, 80 shows a year here, and he has never seen me. NEVER!!! All three of his kids have seen my show a few times, but not him. Fucker. Meanwhile I show up at all his SAVE AFRICA wankfests. The only reason I haven't punched his lights out already is because he's my brother. He's the card I was dealt. It's a 3 of clubs, but its all I got, and I gotta fit it into my hand. Anyway, he's not my father, something that seems lost on him, so I don't have to put up with his shit if I don't want to.

"What am I without you? I can't be too late to say I was so wrong" Shit its back. Beatles music might work, its hooky enough.

Women change - for the better - and the worse. I heard women marry guys cause they think they'll change - men marry women because they think they won't. Neither happens.
"Oh what are you thinking of? What are you thinking of?" do do do
Dammit, everytime I stop thinking its there, like a cd on pause. The mind is a strange thing.

"There's no easy way, its gets hard each day, please love me or I'll be gone. I'll be gone... I'm all outa love"

comedy fest cold

I have the comedy fest cold (cold symptoms combined with hangover). I caught it from germ dispensor Dylan Rhymer. Avoid unprotected sex with that man!

Pics from the show and party.

Brian Pohsen, Steve Byrne and Barry, Johanson and David Crowe - and the guy who owns the amazing loft we partied in till late.

Scott Thompson

Scott was doing stand-up as a new thing and he killed. The darkest material of the fest, that I've seen, and being canadian, he was cool to hang out with.

Janeane Garafola

janeane did and amazing job at Yuk Yuks last night. Unlike most American performers, she did her whole set about Canadian news. It's rare to see a Canuck do that much about Canadian politics, let alone an American whose been in town just a few days. Guy MacPhearson complains about her shows all the time, wanting her to be more polished, but what she does it the most fearless thing, allowing us to watch the creative process in front of our very eyes. And she in no way pander to Canada, as she pointed out Harper's being in support of Bush. It's not the style of comedy I would feel comfortable doing, but I was very impressed and entertained by her. And she bummed me one of her cigarettes, an "English Oval".

A REMINDER for Richard

This is what I love about stand-up. There without TV or industry types, a group of comics working it out, and the audience winning as a result. Mike B. and P-love have been vocal about comics working on the new stuff, and I do my best to lead by example, but this new wave of comics are working hard, and its great to see. I try to get everyone on the show. So far I have not had to refuse anyone. Last night I believe there were 12 guys before Erica. Sean Hall and his "Keep Your Head Up" posse are a great liason. DLo and Mark Bitton, and Jeremy Merkensnerkervonheiven are all from Sean's show at the Media Club. Seth Perry (whose return to the stage sober has been great to watch, and the momentum he creates is useful late in the show) Blue, Murray, AJ are all guys from the Cotton Club show. So the Darby Show is a good mix of a couple of comedy groups from the past, with present action at Stages and Yuks connecting up.

DLo was embarassed that taking off his shirt had not got the results he was looking for. I told him he could never wear his shirt on stage again.

Erica was determined to buy a jacket with the $$ she got for closing. She did an awesome job. The whole thing is holding up pretty well. The show ran just under THREE HOURS, and most of the audience was there for all of it. And the people that were there saw a great show.

What impact did the show have in the grand scheme of stand-up? Nothing - and everything...

Darby's Dirty Dozen!!

Blue, AJ, DLO and Erica.