Some guys just Are...

After a rough night, and some people who let me down, I had the occassion to be surprized by Men who are sensitive, compassionate and helpful for me right now. It's funny how we see people that have responsible jobs as the most dependable, like cops or border guards, or drywallers - when it turns out they're flakes, and its the skaters and cool guys that turn out to be solid. Thanks for making my morning guys, and thanks for the TUNA Panini Johnny.

Camrose /Calgary pals.

Hey there. It sucks that you are having to go thru' this. Checked out your blog again. Glad that you do have SOME support. Guess I should have asked earlier if you had an infection...like when I noticed your status mentioned you having room for more visitors? I've been rather preoccupied with my sister these days, but finally thought to mention to N that I wondered if you were in hospital or something. Wish we were able to do something for you from here..."

Fighting Back

Thanks to all the friends and blogfans for your support. I know i sounded pretty down but I'm still the fighting Irishman that I am. The incredible amount of drugs in me, besides the Chemo makes sleeping, resting and most normal things irrelevant. People are full of stupid advice. "Have you tried Vitamin C?" Chemo trumps everything so don't bother. My buddy Vic joked. "I hear Jello works!" "I said "What color?" It's the middle of the night and I'm wide awake. Starting to feel the steroids wear off a bit, but what a roller coaster. The treatment continues to accumulate, so that when I finally get all four cycles in me, I'm not done, I'm fully loaded. Some people ahve been solid, but lately, they are burning out. Figure I should be over this by now. Nothing to do with them except cut 'em loose. I'm not in a position to make people feel better about how I'm doing, so if they aren't part of helping me fight this, see ya. Sounds selfish, but the only person that is really gonna make sure this Cancer is beaten is me. Thank God for the support I have had, and the support that will show up to help me through the next couple of months.
Photos are of pals from Ottawa who came out for a ski trip just before my treatment started, including my best friend from childhood Mike. I know it's tough for people who love me (ie non-family members) to read about the fight, and not know what to do or say. The ones that do know what to say and do, make a big difference. Thanks. And a big shout out to my new blog fan Lianne. (mike's a keeper if you want me opinion. plus I owe him a lot of money.)

and george died

So today, i had to fight with some LONDON DRUGS twit trying to get the drugs ai need this week to bump my white output. (Can you say bone pain? Didn't know what it was to they gave me that shot.) Fortunately for me there is a nurse that has to come in so the can do the shots for me. But they keep trying to teach me how to do it. I don't know to maybe non-junkies who like needles, so I want NoT to do it. So The LONDON DRUGS pharm was incompetant, (had to go to MacDonald's Pharmacy (no connection to the restaurant) and they were competant. This drug is called neuphren and it is not covered by Pharamacare. Each shot (they want me to give to myself) is worth 500 bucks. I get five. So a foundation called Victory paid for it with their credit card. They had to be sure that I wouldn't sell it across the border where it goes for ten times that much. Quick 25 Grand anyone? I decided to use the neuphren myself.

And George Carlin Died Yesterday - at seventy one. I always loved him, thought he was the coolest. So brave, so clear, we all owe George alot, comedains and civilians alike. I was compared to so much that I was referred as Canada's George Carlin. Now what, Canada's Margaret CHO? The incarnation of...

Despair is also a side effect of steroids. My despair looks like rage. Sorry

How lame is you family?

Coming off the steroids gives you mood swings.
Here's one now.

Since diagnosed with Cancer in February, I have received many cards, and well wishes from all over the country. Friends visiting, cooking cleaning. Medical professionals working hard to get me well. And Love - except from my "family". My mother has been diligent, as much as a 79 year old woman on her own can be. My brother managed to fit me into his busy schedule while in town touring his third-world trophy wife. I'm sure she set him back several goats (and i'm NOT KIDDING). She's preggers. Never Managed to come to my place so each of these meetings was to where he was, so I dragged my chemoed ass out to so I could spend some time having my illness dismissed as not a big deal. Ron has three children living in Vancouver, my two neices (Robyn and Tara) and a nephew (Ryan). Despite my attempts to have relationships with them in the past, My brother has made that impossible. Still they are adults (all in their 20's) and you would think that a phonecall or something might be, well, kind. I realize they have had no guidance in the department of compassion or love growing up, so I will cut them a little slack. (On the other hand they can go FUCK THEMSELVES).

The lady from the down the street where I grew up sent me a card and nice note, but not my sisters. I pointed this out to my Brother and said it was embarassing. He scoffed "Who's embarrassed?" I said "I AM"

Now my mother and the girls (mother, sisters and there mean-spirited proginy) are in Mexico for "The girls holiday" . My mother said, maybe next year, Breanna will be old enough to go along. Right, so they can teach her how to back-stabbing passive aggressive meanie too. Not Happening EVER.

My cousin Marc has been by and resembles a family member.

Things are tough right now because I am having to treat two illnesses, the infection and the cancer, so on my week off I have shots everyday and home, my dressing changed, and do the chemo effects dance. My friends have seem me go through this first bit well, and don't seem to see i getting worse, which is will before it gets better. The steroids have me swelled up to I look good, and the bald thing seems to be a "good Look" for me. But if people took a real good look, they might see what actually happening.
Photo is my brother and the wife. Don't know her name, she never spoke.