Sunday, August 31, 2008
sorry i neglected you
it has been a long time since i blogged. much has happened, and the more things that happen, the more daunting the job of blogging becomes. But like most things, just getting started is the key. So after being chastised by a reader from Israel, i have decided to let you readers know I'm back. Not just to blogging - but life. the chemo is over, and although it laid me low - i'm starting to feel energy that has been missing for months. I have pictures that i will eventually load up here, but just to bring me and my readers up to speed, i have completed the treatment, my hair is coming back, i'm still very single and doing little shows here and there to get my chops back. Spent some quality time with the daughter, hosted a mud-wrestling events and all sorts of things in between. More later - Love Richard
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Glad to hear your back. This time when it grows in, go easy on the highlights.
ReplyDeleteI think it is always the intelligent ones who have the hardest time believing they are worth compassion and understanding from the people in their lives.
ReplyDeleteThe last time we got together - sometime last year, wasn't it? - we talked about what you were up to. I had a hard time with it. It seemed destructive to me. I was sure, you being something of an expert on people's reactions, you knew how I felt. I wasn't in a place with a lot of perspective leeway then, but I didn't want to put that on you, because it seemed where you were was hard enough, without having a friend disapprove of you. So I stepped back, in order not to be negative energy in your life. Anyway, I felt you agreed with the choice, given that I didn't hear from you.
Recently though, I've had the recurring 'fantasy' of asking about you, and someone telling me about your death. Mental imagery not to be taken lightly. So, today, I looked for you. (No, not in the obituaries. But some of your stuff on you tube is old enough to need one!)
I understand now. Cancer is one of those things which seems to create either incredibly strong bonds or unbelievably forceful wedges. People know it isn't contagious, but some still act like it is. And in a vulnerable place, it can seem impossible to take the chance of asking a person for help, and having them run away.
I will admit the pictures of you frighten me. I've known you for too long not to be scared by the changes they represent. But it appears the 'Great Field of Human Spirit Knowledge' was a bit premature in its forecast, according to your latest myspace report. Congratulations.
Cyrus and I moved back into the West End, down by the park. I'm mostly working at IBI these days, and though this month is stupid busy there, if you felt like an early-ish morning coffee, or an early-ish evening drink, maybe we could see how our current perspectives get along.
Regardless, I hope you know I'm thinking of you. Never really stopped.
hugs
Jenn